Facing our Giants

Driving down a rural back road one day almost a year ago I saw a sign on a little church that read, "God grant me the courage to challenge my giants."   When I got home that day I grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote that on the key hook chalkboard in my kitchen.  Everyday when I grab my keys I am reminded of that saying.  I have yet to erase it off the board as I believe that we need to be reminded of that everyday.

I know it's been a few weeks...well...over a month..since I last blogged on here.  Stress, fatigue, and just not wanting to deal with any of the fertility stuff anymore fell my way even though I was still yearning internally to have my own child.  I made excuses for why I couldn't blog and just kept saying to myself, "I'll do it tomorrow." Tomorrows turned into more tomorrows until finally I looked at myself in the mirror one morning and told myself that I needed to face these giants.

What does it mean to  "face our giants?"  Giants are those things in our life that are large or enormous or that we feel weigh on us heavily.  For me, my giant was getting through the last couple of months with all sorts of people having expectations of me that I could no longer handle keeping up with.  My giants are the feelings I have inside about possibly never being a mother and looking at the future without giving up  hope.  My giants also consisted of trying to keep it all together and be a peacemaker.

It's very important that regardless of whether we are dealing with infertility or not that we face our giants.  By not facing the giants I was dealing with I was falling further and further behind.  I found myself staring at a blank screen as I tried to continue working on my book.  I found myself becoming cynical about things that weren't going my way.  I even became bitter about some things. 

Facing our giants doesn't mean that everything will 100% of the time go our way.  Rather, by facing our giants it helps us to reach for those goals we set for ourselves.  Instead of sitting back and taking things easy, reach high!  Take risks!  If you don't you will never know what you could have done or what could have been.  One of my husband and my favorite movies is called "Facing the Giants."  Its a Christian movie that came out a few years ago about a man and the football team he coached.  He was not living his life facing the giants, rather he was trying to control everything himself.  He nearly lost everything.  Instead he risked it all and give it all to God, trusting that God would provide.  Sometimes trusting in another person is the hardest thing that we have to deal with.  How do we let go of control?  How do we not want what we want in our time as opposed to someone else's time?  It's all a part of taking risks.

I have read recently about some friends who deal with infertility who are talking about giving up.  It seems as though all the blocks are stacked against them.   Maybe their spouse's sperm count is non existent or they have failed cycle after failed cycle of IUI or IVF.  They don't see a light at the end of the tunnel because these giants are blocking that light.  I have been there. I have seen that the tunnel light was blocked....until I walked up to the giant and faced it head on....and continue to face it head on.  Someday, I will be able to move beyond that giant and fully see the light.  For now, I keep tackling what I can tackle.  My life is not perfect...it's nowhere near it.  But I am reminded that I can't give up.  I need to take the risks.

Risks aren't without their trials and tribulations.  No one ever said life would be easy.  I have sat many of times and fumed with jealousy over friends who were achieving what I hadn't yet achieved such as great success financially or career wise  or in the case of infertility, have achieved a pregnancy and have their "family."  Recently someone reminded me of the bible parable that Jesus tells about the three servants who received money from their master to keep safe.  Two of the servants went and risked the money only to double and triple it.  The third servant buried it to keep it safe.  When the master returned he was pleased to see that the two servants took the risk and they were rewarded.  The third servant who buried the money was reprimanded and wasn't rewarded.

What does this story have to do with my life?  I often times start to take the easy road or the less risky path when I am given something.  I tend not to risk....especially when faced with a giant.  This parable reminds me that we must face the giant and we must take the risk otherwise we will not have the reward.  If you are one of the people dealing with infertility about ready to give up having a family, don't give up.  Figure out a new path to the light at the end of the tunnel.  Face the giant. Above all, don't stop believing in miracles.