One of the first lines of the Celine Dion song, "A New Day Has Come" says,
"I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on, and don't shed a tear"
So often I feel like my life has been one large waiting game. And here, once again, I am in that 2 week wait, hoping and praying that in a little over a week from now there will be two lines on the over the counter pregnancy test. The worst thing of it all is that this Sunday is Mother's Day. For many of us "Infertiles" (as so often dubbed), it is the worst day of the year. It's a reminder to us that we are inadequate...or at least that's how we feel. Sure we all have a mother and we can celebrate them. However, nothing is worse than the feeling in my heart I get after hearing how all my friends and family that have children celebrated Mother's Day or what they got. Is it about a gift or card or flowers? No...it's about hearing someone say "Thank you Mom" or "I love you Mommy."
The two week wait is the worst! For those of you who have experienced the two week wait, you know that your mind starts playing tricks on you and while you try not to hope that it will finally be a big fat positive, it still ruminates and sits in your entire being. You start to think that every twinge means it for sure will be negative or for sure will be positive. You deal with depression on the days your mind tells you that it has to be negative and you feel nothing but giddiness on the days you think that this time it just has to be positive. Tears flow on and off like a broken faucet.
Waiting is hard. It's even harder when its at this time of the year. It has been difficult for some time because not only because of it being mother's day but rather because every year, Mother's Day is only a couple of days before my birthday. This year I will be 39. (I hate even typing that number!) My biological clock is so loud now that I can barely think about anything else but wanting to become a mom. Waiting. I sit here and wait.
Strength is not one of my strong characteristics this week or ever this time of year. As Mother's Day approaches I ask you all to do one favor. As you go to your Mom's home (or aunt or grandmother who raised you) or celebrate your life as a parent (whether a mother or a father if you are one...) I ask you to take a few minutes to say a little prayer for all those of us struggling to make it through that day. And pray for those who have lost a mother at this time. I am fortunate that both my parents are still alive and I am grateful for my Mom and Grandma.
This is not my typical blog but it was something on my mind as I wait. I haven't given up. I still believe in miracles.
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on, and don't shed a tear"
So often I feel like my life has been one large waiting game. And here, once again, I am in that 2 week wait, hoping and praying that in a little over a week from now there will be two lines on the over the counter pregnancy test. The worst thing of it all is that this Sunday is Mother's Day. For many of us "Infertiles" (as so often dubbed), it is the worst day of the year. It's a reminder to us that we are inadequate...or at least that's how we feel. Sure we all have a mother and we can celebrate them. However, nothing is worse than the feeling in my heart I get after hearing how all my friends and family that have children celebrated Mother's Day or what they got. Is it about a gift or card or flowers? No...it's about hearing someone say "Thank you Mom" or "I love you Mommy."
The two week wait is the worst! For those of you who have experienced the two week wait, you know that your mind starts playing tricks on you and while you try not to hope that it will finally be a big fat positive, it still ruminates and sits in your entire being. You start to think that every twinge means it for sure will be negative or for sure will be positive. You deal with depression on the days your mind tells you that it has to be negative and you feel nothing but giddiness on the days you think that this time it just has to be positive. Tears flow on and off like a broken faucet.
Waiting is hard. It's even harder when its at this time of the year. It has been difficult for some time because not only because of it being mother's day but rather because every year, Mother's Day is only a couple of days before my birthday. This year I will be 39. (I hate even typing that number!) My biological clock is so loud now that I can barely think about anything else but wanting to become a mom. Waiting. I sit here and wait.
Strength is not one of my strong characteristics this week or ever this time of year. As Mother's Day approaches I ask you all to do one favor. As you go to your Mom's home (or aunt or grandmother who raised you) or celebrate your life as a parent (whether a mother or a father if you are one...) I ask you to take a few minutes to say a little prayer for all those of us struggling to make it through that day. And pray for those who have lost a mother at this time. I am fortunate that both my parents are still alive and I am grateful for my Mom and Grandma.
This is not my typical blog but it was something on my mind as I wait. I haven't given up. I still believe in miracles.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
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