It's been a couple of weeks since I last blogged...it seems as though time has just slipped away with the hustle and bustle of the preparations for Christmas. I had nearly forgotten that I was trying to blog at least once a week on her about our journey. Due to my lack of blogging, instead of dreams of sugarplums dancing in my head it was words and thoughts that I knew I needed to get down on paper that occupied that space instead. (I guess it was a local "Occupy my Brain" protest by the words...) I haven't given up trying or even this journey and sharing it with you. Rather, I for a few weeks there, hope floated. In my head I believed that anything was still possible. That is...until today.
This weekend we sent out our yearly Christmas newsletter to a few family and friends (only a few because the cost of postage, envelopes, ink, and paper costs can break the bank in the end when the count gets into the hundred plus amount!). In this newsletter we made the announcement that we planned on pursuing the possibility of adoption and we asked for people to pray for us. Today we met the first negative comment about this decision and surprisingly it came from a relative. The words from this relative resounded in such a way that they came off as sounding like we were foolish for even considering adoption. This was from someone who supposedly loved us. Instead of standing up for ourselves and challenging their opinion we cowered down instead and took it and began to feel like we couldn't be parents because someone didn't think we could. Why weren't we standing up for ourselves? Why were we allowing someone else to control our confidence in ourselves and our future?
Adoption doesn't just happen overnight. I don't go sign papers today and proceed to the next like and get a baby and free fries and a drink! The process of adoption is much like the season of Advent (in the Christian Church.). Advent time, in the church, is a time of waiting and preparing. It's about anticipating the good, (the coming of the Saviour) and dealing with the bad (if you've shopped on Black Friday in crowds of people you know what I am talking about!). It's about seeking forgiveness and preparing our hearts anew. It's about getting everything set up for the big day...Christmas Day. And above all else, its about family and a husband and wife becoming a family with the birth of their son who just so happens to be the Saviour of the world. The process of adoption is much the same. It's about preparing your home, your life and knowing that in the end your life is changed as you welcome a new family member into your home. It's about the good (someone entering into the family) and the bad (the challenges associated with each person becoming adjusted to a new family dynamic). In the end, it is all worth it.
From the time I was a young girl I always knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to be a mom. This struggle to have a child goes beyond what I was ever prepared for. Hope gets dashed when each month comes and the pregnancy test remains negative. But then there are the little steps that occur that reinstall some hope. How do you pick yourself up after someone dashes the little bits of hope you had left? Like Nike said, you "just do it."
My faith in God and belief that God exists has to remain my stronghold. I need to listen to God (or for some of you its whatever higher being you believe in.) When I was younger and in the convent I believed that my vocation in life was to be a Sister/Nun. When I realized that my true vocation was to be married and have a family, I knew that I needed to leave religious life. I have never felt God so strongly as I do in my belief that my vocation is to be a wife and mother. While some say you can't "will" yourself pregnant, you can believe. Willing something to happening is believing that something can occur out of the fact you belief it can and you trust in that higher power to make it happen.
Today hope floats because I believe in my heart of hearts that my vocation is to being a wife and mother. I am not giving up hope. Neither should any of you out there reading this who deal with the same kid of situation like I deal with today. Find the positive support around you. If there is no one, always remember I am here for you all. And above all, remember to Believe in Miracles...we all are one.
This weekend we sent out our yearly Christmas newsletter to a few family and friends (only a few because the cost of postage, envelopes, ink, and paper costs can break the bank in the end when the count gets into the hundred plus amount!). In this newsletter we made the announcement that we planned on pursuing the possibility of adoption and we asked for people to pray for us. Today we met the first negative comment about this decision and surprisingly it came from a relative. The words from this relative resounded in such a way that they came off as sounding like we were foolish for even considering adoption. This was from someone who supposedly loved us. Instead of standing up for ourselves and challenging their opinion we cowered down instead and took it and began to feel like we couldn't be parents because someone didn't think we could. Why weren't we standing up for ourselves? Why were we allowing someone else to control our confidence in ourselves and our future?
Adoption doesn't just happen overnight. I don't go sign papers today and proceed to the next like and get a baby and free fries and a drink! The process of adoption is much like the season of Advent (in the Christian Church.). Advent time, in the church, is a time of waiting and preparing. It's about anticipating the good, (the coming of the Saviour) and dealing with the bad (if you've shopped on Black Friday in crowds of people you know what I am talking about!). It's about seeking forgiveness and preparing our hearts anew. It's about getting everything set up for the big day...Christmas Day. And above all else, its about family and a husband and wife becoming a family with the birth of their son who just so happens to be the Saviour of the world. The process of adoption is much the same. It's about preparing your home, your life and knowing that in the end your life is changed as you welcome a new family member into your home. It's about the good (someone entering into the family) and the bad (the challenges associated with each person becoming adjusted to a new family dynamic). In the end, it is all worth it.
From the time I was a young girl I always knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to be a mom. This struggle to have a child goes beyond what I was ever prepared for. Hope gets dashed when each month comes and the pregnancy test remains negative. But then there are the little steps that occur that reinstall some hope. How do you pick yourself up after someone dashes the little bits of hope you had left? Like Nike said, you "just do it."
My faith in God and belief that God exists has to remain my stronghold. I need to listen to God (or for some of you its whatever higher being you believe in.) When I was younger and in the convent I believed that my vocation in life was to be a Sister/Nun. When I realized that my true vocation was to be married and have a family, I knew that I needed to leave religious life. I have never felt God so strongly as I do in my belief that my vocation is to be a wife and mother. While some say you can't "will" yourself pregnant, you can believe. Willing something to happening is believing that something can occur out of the fact you belief it can and you trust in that higher power to make it happen.
Today hope floats because I believe in my heart of hearts that my vocation is to being a wife and mother. I am not giving up hope. Neither should any of you out there reading this who deal with the same kid of situation like I deal with today. Find the positive support around you. If there is no one, always remember I am here for you all. And above all, remember to Believe in Miracles...we all are one.
No comments:
Post a Comment