Okay...so it's a gluten free brownie...the only kind I can have with the gluten allergy I found out I had as a result of a visit with one of the multiple fertility specialists I have seen over the last 8 years. No glass of milk as the dairy intolerance, also an issue as a result of infertility and my PCOS, wrecks havoc with my body. I really shouldn't eat that brownie cause it'll probably go straight to my butt..you know...that place where I get the hCG shot every month. But the only reason I want that brownie is because of the damn Chlomid making me want to bite everyone's head off. Then it's baby dance time. Oh...but it has to be the right time...timed, in a certain position, and somehow I gotta get that darn...I mean, dear husband of mine to in the mood. Then comes the two week wait to see if that dear, I mean, damn monthly visitor makes it or goes into hiding once again for who knows how long and for who knows why.
It's funny how many times that scenario took place in my house over the last 8 years...and yet it's not really funny when so many of those struggling with fertility can probably nod their heads and say that same if not a similiar thing. As a "secret society" (called this since so many don't want to talk about infertility with others in public,) we can all relate to this scenario and probably more often than not.
I would have remained silent about the infertility, only crying behind my covers, a closed door, or before and after a family function where my husband and I remained the only childless couple, had it not been for the latest "breast cancer awareness" joke. (Which in no way raised awareness to breast cancer by the way...). While it saddened me it also pushed me to this level of advocay in my life.
Today I lost friends...well, Facebook friends. People who wanted me to shake it off, move on, and never bring up infertility. Some were family. Some were friends. None of them willing to continue hearing how hard it is and how much it sucks to have to deal with infertility. None of them realizing that the longer I go without conceiving or having a child, the greater risk I am at for cancer...BOTH breast and ovarian. None of them realizing the effects of Chemo and radiation on a breast cancer survivor and that they are less likely to conceive as for many it pushes them into menopause. None of them have met Annie, Elaine, Mary, or any of the other 20+ women in my life who have survived Breast Cancer. For them I will live my life always adovcating for a cure to breast cancer. For them I will refuse to put up a status that in any way is supposed to be a joke. Breast Cancer is no joke. It's no more of a joke than muscular dystrophy, stroke or a heart attack. I only ask that people stop looking at the like and struggle that I live daily as a joke.
I know that for many it wasn't malciously done. But after pleaing my case on Facebook, some still continued to post. Some still sent me the "joke." Some expecting me to post it. There was even one person who sent it not once, but twice in order to anger me and upset me. Family. It was a family member.
Through this all I know who my family is. My family is and has become those who have supported getting awareness out there in these few short days. My family is and has become those who reached out a hand and posted something on their status in regards to inferility awareness. My family is and has become those who have stood behind me encouraging me to go forward and event sometimes listening to my rants. To this family, I say thank you....and I am not going anywhere.
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